


Garden As Though You Will Live Forever

by mrcheese5728



Series: If A Tree Falls In The Forest [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Has Feelings, Billy Hargrove Has Powers, Billy Hargrove Loves Plants, Canonical Character Death, Gen, I miss Barb, Justice for Barbara "Barb" Holland, Kinda, Memories, One Shot, SUPER GLAD THAT'S APPARENTLY A TAG, Storytelling, ferns, florakinesis, i want more barb content but shes still dead in this fic sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:42:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25353424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrcheese5728/pseuds/mrcheese5728
Summary: Her name sat on his tongue, and he so dearly wanted to ask questions. Wanted to bash down the crude and horrible rumors that surfaced about her like she was something to laugh at, like the cruel names they called her were for a runaway slut and not a dead girl taken underneath their noses.It shakes him to the core to know that even the plants didn’t know the details about what happened to her, that they had seen her taken in the night and heard her scream terrible screams that faded away.At that point in the story, Billy had foolishly hoped that she was still alive.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Barbara "Barb" Holland
Series: If A Tree Falls In The Forest [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586983
Comments: 26
Kudos: 78





	Garden As Though You Will Live Forever

**Author's Note:**

> I AM NOT DEAD PHYSICALLY  
> I LOVE ALL OF MY READERS SO MUCH AND THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME  
> i have had the worst fucking writers block in the WORLD and have been struggling to write anything at all, despite wanting to write more then anything. motivation and adhd are a bitch and lemme tell you, quarantine is also a bitch but a NECESSARY one  
> anyway i had this idea in mind since the very beginning and i just wanted to post it so you readers out there know that this series is very much not abandoned, and to let you guys know whats up :) 
> 
> I HAVE A DISCORD SERVER NOW, for the fic or just like...any stranger things stuff. just stuff really. idc
> 
> https://discord.gg/VgQmzw 
> 
> j o i n m e

Billy wasn’t sure what sparked him to initially think of her.

Perhaps it was the way that Wheeler walked around with a fake smile on her face, or how he spotted her looking over her shoulder to toss a comment only to have no one there. 

Maybe it’s the way that Byers walked around the campus like the weight of his secrets were pressing down on him, with hunched shoulders and a tiredness that never seemed to leave his face. 

Or maybe it was Harrington, who was walking around like something was going to attack him right around the corner, but still acted like if he pretended everything didn’t happen and he did normal things, all of his fears would go away. 

The weight of Billy’s own secrets pressed on his chest, and with each breath he wondered if the words he’d so tightly held close to himself would escape. Every breath held the potential to lay out his deepest fears in a whisper, and he could not control who heard it if he finally spoke them aloud.

Billy could control his mouth _\- that was a lie, it always got him in trouble -_ and keep his concerns to himself, along with his desperate need to poke the hornet's nest with a red hot knife. 

Her name sat on his tongue, and he so dearly wanted to ask questions. Wanted to bash down the crude and horrible rumors that surfaced about her like she was something to laugh at, like the cruel names they called her were for a runaway slut and not a dead girl taken underneath their noses.

It shakes him to the core to know that even the plants didn’t know the details about what happened to her, that they had seen her taken in the night and heard her scream terrible screams that faded away.

At that point in the story, Billy had foolishly hoped that she was still alive. She, along with the other people that were taken. 

He knows it’s not the case, because the girl _\- Eleven, El, Jane -_ decreed her gone. Billy doesn’t want to imagine what she saw. Doesn’t want to even _think_ about what the creature had done to her before she died.

“You spacing out again on us, man?” Billy resists the urge to blink like a stupid owl, and turns his heads towards Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins, who are leaning against Hagan’s car and looking at him with confusion. Billy’s leaning against his own car, which is next to Tommy’s. He wasn’t _intending_ to run into them at the shitty gas station, but Billy hadn’t been able to hide fast enough. (His car in the parking lot was a fair giveaway too.)

Billy shrugs. “Hard to not get bored in this shit show of a town.” He says, forcing a smirk to his lips. Tommy nods his head, humming in agreement.

“Point. Can’t wait to leave this hell hole.” He snickers, and Carol joins in giggling.

“Maybe we should have left town last year like that one girl, Barbra? Barbara? That nerd that used to hang out with that Wheeler chick.” Carol says, shaking her head and taking a long puff of cigarette. She tilts her head back and exhales slowly, and Billy’s extremely thankful that the smell of cigarette smoke had stopped making him cough years ago. 

“Oh yeah babe, you’re right.” Tommy exclaims, snapping his fingers. “I forgot about her! They ever figure out what happened to her? Pretty bizarre she disappeared like that. Didn’t peg her as the type to be a rebel.”

Billy wants to break something.

“I don’t think they did, she just up and disappeared. If you ask me though,” Carol grins, leaning in closer, “She ran away with a secret boyfriend. She was too goody goody to not have any skeletons in her closet. Ever heard what she did back in middle school behind the bleachers with that Smith boy?” Tommy looks intrigued, and when he gestures for Carol to continue, Billy immediately starts tuning out the bullshit in favor of glaring at the telephone pole across the street.

It has a missing poster on it. Billy can’t make out the words form here, but he can see a girl with round glasses and a frilly plaid shirt. It looks old and worn, and blurry from the weather. He bites the inside of his cheek and focuses on kicking the pebbles by his feet, not wanting to look at the face of a girl gone too soon.

He doesn’t like all these sudden reminders of her. 

“-illy? Earth to Billy!” Billy looks up and sees Tommy staring at him with an irritated look. “You gonna pay attention to us at all are go off in your own fucking world, man?” 

Billy feels a familiar rise of heat that can only lead to anger, and he resists the urge to snarl at the boy. Or maybe punch his face. “I’m gonna get the fuck out of here, actually.” Billy snaps, already turning to open his car door. “I’ve got better places to be.” He can hear the exclamations of the two idiots, but he ignores them and turns the car on before hurriedly pulling out of the parking lot and starting down the road.

His hands are tight against the steering wheel as he speeds down the road, unbothered by speed limit signs as he passes. It’s not like anybody really cares around here.

Billy sighs heavily, trying to force his fingers to grip the steering wheel less harshly. He should really stop hanging out with those douches. _‘Not like I hang out with them on purpose, anyway.’_ He thinks bitterly.

He knows that apparently, he’s supposed to fill in some type of King Role that the school hierarchy has. Somebody who’s a party animal, somebody who punches before he thinks and a _ladies man._

The role that Steve Harrington was in apparently, before he left Tommy and Carol for Nancy and after he experienced some of the hell that the Upside Down had to offer. Billy wasn’t sure why they deemed _him_ a candidate for this _\- was it because he wore snazzy clothes he liked? -_ but he’s getting real sick of it, real fast.

Billy sighs again, and pulls into the driveway of the house he’s forced to stay in. Neil’s car is nowhere to be seen. It doesn’t surprise him, cause Fridays are his nights out at the bar with coworkers. His longer nights at least, cause he’s Neil pretty much hits the bar everyday after work. He huffs at the thought and makes his way out of the car, and makes his way into the house.

Ignoring Susan completely, he makes a beeline for his room. As soon as he shuts the door behind him he collapses on his bed, burying his face in his pillow and cursing the world to hell and back.

 _It isn’t fair!_ He wants to scream. _She didn’t deserve this!_

No, she didn’t. Neither did the other four people who went missing, but nobody ever talks about them. There is truly nothing fair about the world anyway, so why should something like this be any different?

Billy sighs heavily into his pillow, turning to lie on his side and look over his room. There’s nothing much to it, not really. He hasn’t really taken the time to decorate it or make it truly himself, though he’s thrown up some lewd posters to fuck with Neil and because it makes him laugh. He has his music set up on the table by the end of his bed, but nothing else really screams _Billy!_

He wonders what Barbara was like, beyond what the plants saw of her. What she truly thought about the world, why she was interested in her hobbies, what made her pet peeves something that irked her so. The ferns do not know everything, and no matter how much Billy wonders, he’ll never truly know what Barbara Holland was like. He never knew her, and he never will. 

It fills him with rage to think about the fact that Barbara’s parents think that she’s still alive. That they’re talking about selling their damn _house_ to find her, because they still hold onto the hope that she’s alive. 

And the only people who know the truth have to keep their mouth shut, or are the ones KEEPING their mouth shut. It puts a bad taste in Billy’s mouth, and he finds himself clenching his jaw at the thought.

He knows that he is an exception to both of these groups - he _could_ tell them that their daughter is dead because of an inter-dimensional monster that’s being covered up by the government, but there’s a lot of problems with that plan. 

Billy sighs heavily, listening to the slight ringing in his ears that he always hears when it’s quiet. He’s not sure if it’s something other people experience, but it was something that he never grew used to in the Lab. The never ending silence in that room, only interrupted by shaky breathing or the occasional footsteps past his doors.

When Billy had been introduced to the music, the house had never once been quiet after that. He huffs to himself, and gets up to put on a random CD for some background noise. When the music finally starts to play, he sighs in relief and plops back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

Barbara Holland is a girl without a grave, because the truth is buried by people in suits and hearts of cruelty. 

There isn’t even a body, nothing to remember her by except worn missing posters and the offhand comment or insult. She remains in the fakeness of Nancy Wheeler's smile, the weariness in Jonathan Byers shoulders, and the fear in Steve Harrington’s eyes. 

She doesn’t deserve to be remembered that way.

As Billy stares at the ceiling, he wonders what he could possibly do to make everything just that much better.

The ferns tickle his feet as he kneels on the ground, taking advantage of his bare toes. He doesn’t much like wearing shoes in his hideout, or really at all in the woods. It’s something of a comfort to feel the soil and plants beneath his feet - a more intimate connection to the greenery around him. 

The ferns are still little shits, regardless.

The stone laying before him is oval shaped and smooth, and 100% stolen from the quarry, since Billy doesn’t know where else he’d find such a rock. It’s propped up against other, smaller rocks since he couldn’t get it to stand up on its own.

Taking a deep breath, he gently touches the stone, concentrating on the plants around him - the moss, specifically - to grow, and grow in a very specific, important way. Tiny details are not his strong suit, but he _needs_ to do this. Billy needs it to be just like he imagines it. The moss, eager to please, practically jumps to grow underneath Billy’s hands, and he nudges it to move _this_ way, curve like _that,_ curl above _this._ The moss flourishes with his guidance, and by the time the final letter is complete, his eyes are stinging.

The moss has grown in clean, thin cursive letters that take up the whole face of the stone, forming the words that haven’t been put down yet.

_In Memory of Barbara Holland_

_Never Forgotten, and Forever Missed_

Billy knows he didn’t know her. He knows the people that love her miss her, and she deserved a funeral and a proper headstone. The moss, as if carrying the importance of the letters they form, begin humming in a sad, but soothing tune. 

He lays a wreath - white and red daisies, for an oddly specific reason he can’t quite pinpoint - on the ground in front of her one and only headstone. He takes a shaky deep breath in, and out. He ignores the blurriness in his vision, and the tightening in his chest. He pushes himself off the ground, and turns around to head back to his car.

As he leaves, he can hear the forest beginning to whisper to each other stories. Stories about a girl with bright curly red hair. A girl who laid on the lawn and read books for hours at a time. A girl who loved exploring the woods as a kid, and splashing in the creeks. A girl who laughed with another girl on a porch together. A girl who visited the animal shelter to see the old cats nobody wanted. A girl who rarely yelled, but was passionate when she did. A girl who longed to see more of the world.

A girl who sat on the edge of the pool, and was gone the next moment.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos fuel my lil fanfiction giving heart. ily guys and i hope you're all safe and taking safety measure. Wash your hands, social distance, wear a mask, and practice some fucking self care.
> 
> if you guys want to chat, ever, my tumblr is @romanthesqueakybirb !!!


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